Super College Rule Pikario!
by The Great Chicken Miasma
Summary: After being whisked away to a dimension overrun with Sinnoh Pokemon, it's up to Pikario and his loser friends to stop an evil Darkrai from destroying everything with the Dark Dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirupus! Includes mindless violence and sarcasm.
1. The Story of the Dark Dociousaliexpilist

_**Authoress' Notes:** So, the US has finally been invaded by Sinnoh, it seems. And around the same time as **"Super Paper Mario"**, too. It's as if these games were begging for a Pikario__ parody, and that's exactly why I'm making one! Because of this **"LIUITSV"** and **"P&C2"** will be going a on slight hiatus, but I'll get to them eventually. Enjoy!  
_

* * *

**_Super College Rule __Pikario!_**

**Prologue:** The Story of the Dark Dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirupus

* * *

_**HACK! COUGH!** __Urrgh. Bleh... Once upon time a time, long, long before anything stopped making sense, there was a book. But not just any book, for it was a book that told people stuff! Yes, many sought after this book for a very long time because of this. Unfortunately, if anyone ever read the book, they would no longer be happy, because reading was also considered evil! Those who merely glimpsed at the pages were overcome with the fear of punctuation, paragraphs, and the worst of all... INK! After millions of years of being evil with its sentences and verbs, the book came to be called the Dark Dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirupus__, due to the fact that not a bit of it made sense! And now, to the basic plot! This shall be a fantastic tale, full of love, romance ...and sex! _

...Okay, maybe 'romantic' was a bit of a stretch...

* * *

"...Ooh. Ooooooooh. Woah... That was some party last night! ...Yeah, um... Wait, where I am I? ...And why am I talking to myself if I'm unconscious?" 

_**"BLEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH! BLACK!**_ Finally! You're awake! It's a good thing you don't have hangovers like I used to! ...Says Count Black."

"What the--?"

_Peach opened her eyes to see everyone was standing around in the middle of freaking nowhere and __Bowser was in a white tuxedo, while she was in a wedding dress on an altar! OMG! There was also an evil Darkrai, who had a CANE and a MONOCLE that made him look all cool and stuff. And there was a Glameow assisting him, too! Not to mention Bowser's__ Randomly-Placed Crowd of Minions were cheering their brains out. WTF? ...Of course, being the ditz she is, this didn't mean a thing to the princess..._

"Ooh! Are we having another party!"

The Darkrai sweatdropped. "No, we're--"

"Yay! A party!" Peach clapped her paws together in excitement. "Do I get gifts? Where are the gifts? I hope I get a pony!"

The Glameow adjusted her glasses. "Uh, yeah, 'K. Now listen here, Peach--"

"Is Bowser hiding them? I bet he is, isn't he?"

"...No. 'K, I guess we can start now, albeit her stupidity..."

"Yes, well..." Count Black cleared his throat. "Bowser, Mr. Big Bad And Scary Ass, do you hereby take Peach as your lawfully wedded wife until things start making since again?"

Bowser laughed. "Ha! 'Until things start making sense again', he says. That'll never happen, but of course I do!"

"And Princess Peach, Ms. Gets Her Ass Stolen All The Time, do you hereby take Bowser as your lawfully wedded evil husband until things start making since again?"

Peach frowned. "Hey! Now, wait a minute! What kind of party is this? And why are we wearing white? White is for clean people, and Bowser is so totally NOT CLEAN! ...And neither am I," she added, with a giggle.

"...She's got a point," said the Glameow.

The Count obviously didn't care! "Peach, can't you see this is your wedding? You're about to be married!"

"Yeah, so make with the smooching and love-making! Desperate Blastoise over here!" added Bowser.

"Wedding? I'm not allowed to get married! They say if you get married, you'll have to get buried!"

The Glameow frowned. "...I think you've got that a little backwards..."

"It doesn't matter! Just say you want to marry Bowser, and we'll be through here!"

Peach thought for a moment, then laughed. "Oh, no! I can't do that!"

"Why?!"

"'Cuz commitment is evil! Pikario said so himself! ...And where is he anyway? I wanna see if he got me a pony!"

"This is getting ridiculous..." muttered the Glameow, whose name is now Nastasia, just because it is.

"Quick, Peach!" said Bowser, having an idea. "If you want any presents, you have to say 'I do'!"

Peach really wanted that pony, so she did! "Really?! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do! I do--"

Nastasia shrugged. "Good enough. I would preferred something a little more PG-rated, but whatever."

_All of a sudden, this giant, black heart thingy came out of the podium... er thingy! Boy, there sure are a lot of thingies here! Where are we, anyway...? Oh, yeah, and __Chuigi woke up in the middle of the Randomly-Placed Crowd of Minions. Whoop dee doo_

"What the hell? Where's this? What's causing this mayhem, and why isn't it me?!" Chuigi looked up the long staircase at the evil scene of thingies unfolding! "...And why am I asking all these questions?! And is that Peach up there...?"

_**"BLEH HEH HEH--**_ Etcetera! All is going according to plan through the power of the Unvirgin Heart! Nothing can possibly interfere now, especially when I'm just sitting here, boasting about how nothing can go wrong, when it obviously can!"

Nastasia sweatdropped. "Yeah, um, you sure are the head Honchkrow around here... Lame pun intended."

"Hey!" Chuigi jumped up the stairs. "Who's getting married, why wasn't I invited, and where the hell are the presents?!"

"Who are you?! ...Asked Count Black!" asked, well, Count Black.

"Oh, no! Not another one of you third-person-talking freaks! Hey, loser, ever heard of pronouns? Just for that, I'm gonna take your... um... THINGY and auction it on PokeBay! **_MWAHAHAHAHA!"  
_**  
"Yeah, like, um, NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT! ...'K?" warned Nastasia.

_But __Chuigi__ was never one to listen to evil, talking cats, so he did it anyway!_

"Ha ha! This should sell for a ton of money, and I can finally buy my own house!"

"What you should do is buy yourself a brain!" suggested an enraged Bowser.

"Ooh! Can you buy me a pony?" asked Peach.

_Chuigi didn't have time to make a crude remark before the entire place started shaking, due to the disruption of the Unvirgin Heart's power! It got worse and worse and worse and worse until... **BOOM! The universe exploded! THE END! **...But Palkia__ knew this would happen and just brought everything back, making the results less catastrophic._

* * *

Count Black suddenly appeared out of nowhere, looking very annoyed. "...Count Black guesses this is just one of those days..." 

Nastasia also suddenly appeared out of nowhere, which is kinda weird, since she was just a Glameow, and all. "Um, yeah, 'K. You all right, Count? That meddling Pichu's messing with the Unvirgin Heart just made the universe explode, you know."

"Count Black says it does that all the time, and that is why it doesn't matter!" He threw open his cape! ...Wait, I didn't mention he was wearing a cape? WELL, HE IS! "A new era had dawned, and it shall rule over all other eras!"

"You mean the 4th Generation of Pokemon? That's what the Dark Dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirupus says, right? And since things just started making less sense by marrying a great, evil king with a sweet, no-so-evil princess, we can, like, continue destroying the worlds, while inexplicably ruling them at the same time."

"Yes! We, the Sinnoh Pokemon, have taken the world by storm with our newfangled DS technology, ugly evolutions, and creepy innovational ideas! With 106 new disciples at my command, we shall rule the galaxy... and sell millions of copies worldwide! So, come forth, Darkness of Things That Don't Make Sense! Do my bidding, as I am evil and that's what evil Pokemon do!"

_And so, Darkness of Things That Don't Make Sense came forth from the __Unvirgin__ Heart and consumed everything in sight! **BOOM! The universe exploded again! THE END... again!** _

...Great, just when Palkia_ was nice enough to bring it back for us..._

* * *

_**Authoress****' Notes:** And so... IT BEGINS! The Prologue that really happened not long after the first phase of the story! I don't know how I come up with this stuff. I guess it's a good thing that the residents of Flipside and Sinnoh Pokemon look so damn weird, lol._


	2. The Adventure is Copied, Cut, and Pasted

_**Authoress' Notes:** Well, here's the first Chapter. Unlike, **"CRP"**, I'm not following the chapters exactly the way they go in the game. I mean seriously, Chapter 1-1? That's technically Chapter 1-Section 1, not an **entire **chapter... And I don't own anyone, but my own characters, duh. _

* * *

**_Super College Rule Pikario!_**

_**Chapter 1: **The Adventure is Copy, Cut, and Pasted!_

* * *

_One super, happy, glorious day in the Mushroom Kingdom, everybody was happy and normal for once! The birds were singing, the day was nice... and the heroes/dumbasses of the land were very... bored! And if anybody was anybody, they'd know for sure that was anything but good!_

Chuigi yawned. "...I'm bored."

"No kidding," replied Pikario. "The hangovers are clearing up too quickly..."

"It just rained, so we can't set anything on fire or blow stuff up..."

"I don't feel like shooting anyone today..."

"And the Internet's gone out again!" Chuigi growled, throwing overdue bills at his brother. "I thought you were gonna steal cable and get it back online!"

"The Internet's evil, anyway. Why don't we go to Peach's? There's always some shit going on down there."

Chuigi narrowed his eyes. "Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Well, duh," said Pikario, going outside. "And if there's nothing going on, I'll make something happen. Simple as that."

"That was probably what you were gonna do in the first place..."

_Pikario was just about to knock his brother into last week, when a Shroomish appeared!_

"OMG, Pikario! Come quick! There's some shit going on at the castle!"

"See?"

"It must be the work of that guy! The one who's name I can't say because everyone should already know who it is and if they don't, they'll find out sooner or later!"

Pikario glared at Chuigi. "...What is _wrong _with you?!"

"I don't know. I really don't..."

"Well, worry about your mental problems later! Go and save the princess, or whatever it is you freaks do!"

_So, Pikario and the other guy set off to do just that, not realizing they left the real threat behind... _

The Shroomish evilly glared at the door. "...And now, to raid their house!"

* * *

**_Later, at Bowser's Castle!_**

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed the evil Koopa, guy... thing! "Today will be the day we... uh... teepee the Mushroom Kingdom and blame it on Pikario and Chuigi!"

"I thought you wanted to take it over and rule the world..." said a Random, Unimportant Koopa.

"Yeah, yeah. That, too... But only after we give all the Shroomishes wedgies, and say we didn't do it!"

Everyone cheered and said "Hooray!" and all that crap, until one meek voice in the back screamed, "...Bowser sucks!"

"What?! How dare you say I suck, unknown voice in the back that doesn't sound like any of my minions! I'm more of a slurper, if I do say so myself!"

_He used his Super Awesome Jumping Attack and landed in the back of the crowd, which was about 100 feet away! Wow, what a jump!_

Chuigi stared at him blankly until Pikario said, "When the hell you'd learn how to do that?"

"What're you doing here?! You're not supposed to invade my castle!_ I_ invade Peach's first,_ then_ you invade mine!"

"Yeah, well we decided to come here first," shrugged Chuigi. "Y"know, just because we inexplicably felt like it."

"But you're messing up the space-time continuum! Dialga and Palkia are gonna be so pissed!"

"And we care about that because...?"

_All of a sudden, Peach appeared out of nowhere in a cage!_

"Hi, guys!" she waved. "Look! Look! I met a new friend! And he wears a_** CAPE!"**_

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" asked Chuigi, only to get a well-placed slap in the back of the head!

Then, the evil, snazzy dresser Count Black appeared! **"BLEH HEH HEH HEH HEH! BLACK!** I am taking over the world now!"

"Why?" asked Pikario.

**"BECAUSE I WANT TO! BLEH HEH HEH HEH!** Fear Count Black's awesome fashion sense!"

"Hey, look! It's some white-collared, fancy-pants, pompous, third-person-talking freak of a villain trying to take Peach!" Bowser growled. "Not only is it out of context, but they also suck, so let's get 'em!"

"You cannot stop Count Black, shouted Count Black!" shouted Count Black!

"Why?" asked Chuigi.

"Stop asking Count Black stupid questions!"

"Why?" asked Pikario, who was suddenly amused by this. "Oh, yeah. And let go of Peach, you're messing up the plot."

"Yeah," said his bro. "Someone else already did that, and we don't wanna rehash it, so..."

"BLEH HEH HEH! Count Black shall rehash the plot as much as he likes, for this princess will be your undoing!"

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Pikario bashed him again. "Will you quit asking that?!"

"All right! I've had enough! No monocle-eyed freak is gonna stop me from teepeeing the Shroomish Kingdom!"

Pikario frowned. "...Or take Princess Peach."

"..._Or_ take Princess Peach!"

"Count Black says you are stupid idiots who are in the way of my evil plan, therefore I shall dispose of you like so!"

_And he used his Super Cool Smexy Staff and hurled everybody except Pikario into another dimension! HOORAY! ...Oh, wait. That's a bad thing..._

"And now, the evil plan of Count Black has begun! Today, tomorrow, THE WORLD!"

* * *

**_Sometime Later!_**

"...Pikario... Little Pikachu, you must wake up... and greet the day like a mother to her child..."

The Pikachu sat up with a scowl. "...Urg... You're even more annoying than Chuigi in the mornings..."

A weird-looking rainbowy butterfly fluttered in front of him. "Like, dude. My brother, you should, like come with me and stuff."

"Holy crap! It's the Butterfly of Gayness!" Pikario flailed his arms about! "Go away! I'm not the homo! That's my bro, Chuigi! He's the one you're after!"

"Aw, that's not cool, man. Homosexuals are, like, so totally in tune with nature, and stuff."

"Yeah, right. The nature of being a pansy..."

The butterfly seemed, like, all totally calm about his comment! "It's all coo', Pikachu. We can, like, agree to disagree, y'know? My Earth name is not important, but the trees, the flowers, and the clouds call me Trippi."

"Well, inanimate objects sure are good at naming things. Are you one of those shitty Sinnoh Pokemon that Darkrai loser was going on about?"

"Not really. In my world, we are in grave danger and stuff. I shall, like, take you there so you can help us."

"Why?"

"This totally awesome sister named Peaches, like, needs help from that guy who never loved the sunrise. It's a shame really..."

"Oh, yeah. That again..."

_Trippi used Teh Evil Cursor of Doom to highlight herself and Pikario!_

"What the crap?"

"Technology is amazing, like, isn't it?" she said. "Watch as I now Copy, Cut, and Paste us somewhere else!"

* * *

_And so she did! They traveled across time, space, past Palkia's trailer, and over Dialga's condo to arrive and be pasted in a totally new place, where the sky was made of paper! And if your weren't square, then you really were square! ...Or something. _

Once they arrived, Pikario frowned. "What kind of creepy place is this?"

"This is Flipflop, man."

He sweatdropped. "You mean... in another dimension, there're towns named after shoes?"

"Hey, 'Chu, anything can happen here."

"You say that like it's a good thing..."

"It is!" said an Alakazam, walking up. "Behold! I am Merlon, and I totally did not steal my name from some other guy in another dimension!"

"Whatever."

"I see that Trippi finally brought you back, and you aren't tripping out, so you must be the one we're looking for!"

"You're probably thinking of my brother, or someone else who isn't me..."

"Of course not! You and 3 other people have some crappy prophecy that you have to fulfill, and you are the main one! Now, do you see that big purpley thingy up there?"

Pikario squinted, seeing a purple inkblot on the construction paper sky! "Yeah, y'know you should really get that fixed before it bleeds all over the place..."

"FOOL! In order to do that, we'll have to tear out this sheet and start on another one! And if we do that, we'll cease to exist!"

"Yeah, man," said Trippi. "It was put there by some totally uncool guy."

"Yes! A totally uncool who wants to rid the universe of all non-Sinnoh Pokemon by using the Dark Dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirupus to do so! The Light Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! It also says The Vis-a-Vis will swallow all with its bleeding texture!"

"...What?"

"And the only way to get rid of it is with the Virgin Hearts! Here! I happen to have one!"

"Why?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

_**OMG YOU GOT A RED VIRGIN HEART!**_

After all the fanfares were played, Pikario looked around. "Well, that was weird."

Merlon waved it off. "You'll get used to it. Now, go! Go and put that thing in a Heart Pillar before it's too late!"

"And where's that?"

"How the hell should I know? They're all over the damn place. You'll bump into one sooner or later..."

_And with that, he threw him off the tower!_

* * *

_Fortunately, Pikario was able to land near the Heart Pillar after surviving his death-defying fall!_

"How violent..." said Trippi. "We could've easily taken the elevator..."

"Elevators are for squares and lazy people. Only the really cool people jump off stuff!"

_So, he put the Red Virgin Heart into the Heart Pillar and stuff happened! ...Seriously. Some weird stuff went down and a door appeared on top of the tower! Pikario went back and was unimpressed, to the say the least!_

"So you mean after all of that... stuff, _this _is all I get? I mean, come on! It's just a stupid door! Haven't we seen enough of them last time?"

"Shut up! This door is important, and you have to go through it now, or else you'll never save the world!"

"Who cares about that? I just wanna find Peach and go home. You can keep everybody else..."

"Yes, you have to collect the 8 Virgin Hearts and use them to stop the evil Unvirgin Heart, which is what caused The Vis-a-Vis to appear in the sky like that."

"Who're you trying to fool? This is a totally rehash of last time... Is it even worth it, anyway? I bet the final boss is even--"

"Your problems are not about to become ours, and no one ever cares what the protagonist has to say, so off with you!" bellowed Merlon, as he booted Pikario through the door. "May your travels be merry and full honey mustard sauce!"

* * *

_**Elsewhere, in the Far Reaches of Black Space!**_

"BLEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH! All is going according to plan! The Purple Vis-a-Vis Marker in the Sky plot was a great way to end the world. Soon, all will have to tear off the page and start and new one, ending all worlds!"

"Wow, that's so super cool, I can hardly contain myself!" said a Drapion. "Count Black is the best! He's bringing sexy back!"

"Ah ha ha ha ha ha. This is so totally awesome. Taking over all the worlds and making everybody bow down to the power of Sinnoh Pokemon? Brilliant! ...Ah ha ha ha ha ha." said a Mime Jr., wearing one of those weird jester masks.

"AND HERE I AM!" said another Drapion, appearing on the scene... somehow. "I wuz jus' about ta... Wait a minute! Why is there two 'a me? OH NO, THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUM MESSED UP AGAIN!"

"Mimimimimimimimimimimi!" giggled the evil... thingy. "O'Chunks, you're so stupid! You and your fake Scottish accent! Everyone knows you're from Cleveland, anyway."

"I know dat's 'ou, Mimi! 'Ou call me stupid, an' 'ou're the one breakin' teh forth wall?!"

"Aw, you guys are no fun anymore..." she said, turning into a Rotom. "It's shocking how stupid you can be."

"Count Black wants all of you to shut up, m'kay?" said Nastasia, fixing her glasses. "We're supossed to be having an evil meeting now."

"Yes, says Count Black, as he eyes his foolish minions," said Count Black, as he eyed his foolish minions! What? Like you were expecting him to do something else?!

"Anyway, I just recently found out that the hero guy of legend is coming to kick our asses. Should I send him spam, or something?"

"He has crossed time and space to find me here! Dialga and Palkia should've caught him, so why didn't they?!"

"They're on vacation, sir."

"RIDICULOUS! Oh, well. Count Black is smarter than them anyway, for he has the Dark Dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirupus, and they don't!"

"That's right! An' I'm stronger than 'em! So, I'll give 'em a knuckle sandwich they'll never forget!" growled O'Chunks.

Mimi turned into a Shaymin. "O'Chunks, you don't have any knuckles..."

"Aw, whatevuh! 'Ou know wut I mean!" And with that, he disappeared into nothingness!

"Ooh, I do so love it when jumps off to 'chunk' someone like that. I'm gonna follow. ...Ah ha ha ha." And the evil mime also disappeared.

"CHUNKING! That is what the fate of the interloper has waiting for him! Count Bleck would've liked to dismantle him himself, but yes! It is dismantling all the same! BLEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!"

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** Hooray for the first chapter being done! Number 2 will be up eventually, can't say when, but whatever. I can't believe how popular the whole Count Bleck/Tippi thing has become... It's kinda creepy._


	3. Thoreauing Caution to the Wind!

_**Authoress' Notes****: "P&C2"** and **"LIUITSV"** will be on hiatus until either this or **"BOA"** is done, so don't be expecting updates for them anytime soon. _

* * *

_**Super College Rule Pikario!** _

_**Chapter 2:** 'Thoreau'ing Caution to the Wind! _

* * *

_And so, after being hurled into oblivion by the whimsical Merlon, Pikario and Trippi fell for a really long time until they died! THE END! _

_...Oh, wait. They're not dead? After all that? Oh, you've gotta be kidding me... _

"OMG, look at the sky!" Pikario pointed at a cloud. "It's like, Algebra Hell or something! And the trees have no leaves... just blocks."

"Like, yeah," said Trippi. "A tree_ not_ made of squares would be crazy! Can imagine how weird that would look?"

"...I have no idea," sarcastically remarked Pikario.

* * *

_Alright, enough about that. After taking in the sights of evil Algebra Sky, trees made of squares, and half-assed enemies, Pikario eventually came to a door that he couldn't get through! Big surprise! So he kept going until he reached a house with evil square smoke coming form the chimney?! EEK! Inside the house, they found... nothing?_

* * *

"Okay, what's deal? There's nothing in here! Am I gonna have to set something on fire?" 

"There seems to be a door, like, right here. I'll make it visible for you," said Trippi, who, like, did.

"...Wouldn't it make more sense for the door to, I dunno... already be there?"

"Apparently not, since I just made it appear," she smiled, which is weird, because doesn't have a mouth... or a face...

_Regardless, they went through the damn thing, only to see an Altaria sitting atop some particularly square clouds... Okay, WTF is up with that? _

"My name is Bestovius, and I bestow things upon Sinnoh Pokémon! You are not a Sinnoh Pokémon, so go away!"

"Well, there's this door outside I can't get to, and since the road inexplicably ends here, I'm assuming you've got something I want."

"Oh, you mean Teh Evil Cursor of Doom, complete with the free, limited edition Conveniently-Placed Wiimote? Yeah, well, I'm broke and non-Sinnoh Pokémon hafta pay, so gimme all the coins you have!"

"Uh, okay."

_Pikario gave him 3 coins! _

"3 coins?! As a bona fide, non-Sinnoh Pokémon, you should have more money!"

"I do, but any more just might cost you your feathery ass," threatened Pikario.

Bestovius thought for a moment. "Hmm, my feather-ass _is _very important... All right, fine. Whatever. Take the damn thing; I didn't want it anyway."

_Pikario obtained Teh Evil Cursor of Doom! Now, the powers of clicking stuff like a computer mouse are his to command! And with the Conveniently-Placed Wiimote, he can trigger strange events and find out info on his enemies! How convenient! _

Pikario sweatdropped. "...Am I the only one hearing this stuff?"

Bestovius waved it off. "Just ignore it. Does that all the time."

* * *

_Yes, well after using the Teh Evil Cursor of Doom to Copy, Cut, and Paste himself and Trippi past all the hard, unnecessary stuff,_ _Pikario couldn't help but realize he'd Pasted himself into someone's house. Apparently, the lack of a bridge outside kept him from going any further. How droll! _

* * *

"Augh!" growled someone. "Help! I've been Undone!" 

Pikario inched away from the voice. "'Undone'? You're not naked or anything, are you?"

"What? No! Just help me out! I can't take the Deletedness of this anymore!"

_More confused than annoyed, Pikario used Teh Evil Cursor of Doom to highlight a red Turtwig, bringing him into view! _

"Whoa, that was weird," said the Turtwig. "Thanks for helping me out! The name's Fire Green! I accidentally Cut myself the other day, so I've been stuck in purgatory forever!"

"That sounds so wrong..." muttered Trippi.

"What a loser name," scoffed Pikario.

"Shut up and cross the bridge already. It's out there, y'know."

"How'd you know that's what I wanted?"

He laughed nervously. "Eheh. When I Cut myself, I accidentally did it to the bridge, too."

Pikario glared at him. "...I'm sure you've done a lot worse things..."

* * *

_Using the Teh Evil Cursor of Doom, Pikario and Trippi suddenly reappeared in a dungeon, their only way out locked!_

"Uh... Why are we here?"

"Who cares? A treasure chest!" Pikario ran over to it. "Let's steal something while we're in here."

"Why not? Can't make things any worse."

_And she was right! Not only did it _not_ make things any worse, but it actually made them better! And hand-shaped Pixl appeared from the box, much to Pikario's dismay. _

"TA-DA!" he shouted. "Here I am!"

Pikario shrugged. "Of course... What else could've possibly been in there?"

"Hello, I'm a Pixl! A Pixl called Henry David Thoreau! I was made by Old People a long time ago and I should join you!"

"Isn't that the name of someone else?"

"We're in another dimension, man! I could be named after the President of Wherever and it still wouldn't matter! Just trust me on this one!"

"...Great."

"Anyway, I can help you grab stuff by... um... helping you grab stuff!"

"Can't I already do that? Y'know, since I have hands, and all?" Pikario showed him his paws/hands.

_**"NO!"** _

_**Huzzah! Thoreau joined the team! He can help Pikario grab stuff by helping him grab stuff, even though Pikario can easily do it himself! He also enjoys throwing things, especially when it causes harm to others!** _

Thoreau looked around. "...What was that?"

Pikario shrugged. "You'll get used to it."

* * *

_Oh, well. I guess Thoreau could come in _handy_. Get it? Handy?! 'Cause he's a hand?! And he can grab stuff?! AHAHAHAHAHA! ...Okay, it wasn't that funny. After leaving the room... somehow, Pikario suddenly noticed another bridge was missing! There was no other way out of the evil town, so they went to bargain with the mayor. As they entered, a Hippowdon sneezed loudly, sending sand all over the room!_

"GET OFF OF MY RUG!" he barked. "You got your stinky, smelly, sandy feet all over it!"

Pikario shook the sand off. "You can't even_ see_ the rug! Or the floor, for that matter! It's all covered with sand!"

"Shut up! Losers like you are probably tryin' to get to Yomomma Ruins, but it ain't easy, I tell ya!"

"Doesn't matter; we can skip everything, if we can get out of this stupid town."

"Fine!" he pulled out a cell phone. "Leaf Red, stop flinging shit at the wall for a second and Paste a bridge outta town! Some losers wanna go to the ruins!"

"Hey! Flinging shit is very important, I'll have you know! You think I'm doing this 'cause it's funny?!" screcched a voice on the other end.

"I don't care! Do it, or I'll revoking your poop-throwing license!" He hung up. "There, all done! Now, go to his house, AND GET OFF OF MY RUG!"

* * *

_And so, Pikario went to Leaf Red's house!_

"You--"

"I know!" growled a green Chimchar, having green ass-flames to match! "It's already there! Get off my back!"

"Whatever."

Pikario was about to Paste himself somewhere else when Leaf Red stopped him "Oh, but wait a minute. Before you go, what's your favorite color? Red, green, or both?"

"...You _do_ know that I know that no matter what I say, you'll get pissed and do something very drastic, right?"

_**"WRONG!"** _

_And the monkey did something very drastic! But he's a monkey; he could've done anything. But whatever it was, he did it and everyone was soon on their way... somewhere. _

* * *

_Pikario used the awesome power of throwing stuff by throwing Theodore at it, so he could throw it back at whoever he was planning on throwing it at to get around the desert! ...Yeah. They did this crap until they came across one part of the desert that looked very suspicious!_

"This part of the desert is very suspicious," said Trippi, as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Hey! You're breaking the fourth wall!" Theodore paused for a minute before saying, "...And so am I! _**My word, it's the paradox!"** _

"'EY! 'Ou! Yeah, 'ou! Teh Piakchu!"

"...How can you mispronounce something as simple as the word 'Pikachu'?" asked Pikario. "It's almost like you're doing it on purpose..."

The Drapion stomped the ground. "SHUT UP! I've come teh defeat 'cha an' become's teh count's most bestest, coolest, bad guy eva!"

"Maybe you should consider going back to school first..." suggested Trippi.

"Or at least_ try_ to sound like you're really Scottish..." said Thoreau.

"GRR! I can't let teh count sown, so 'ou're just gonna hafta prepare ta get chunked!"

"'Chunked'?" Pikario laughed. "If that isn't a sad attempt at hitting on someone, I shudder to think what is..."

_**Battle Mode Start!** _

Thoreau looked around. "Who keeps doing that?!"

"GRR! I'mma throw 'ou wit' meh feet!" said O'Chunks, throwing Pikario with his feet! Unfortunately, it didn't work.

"Wouldn't it make more sense if you used your claws?" asked Trippi.

"STRIKE SUPER AWESOME POSE!" bellowed O'Chunks, as he did all these weird-looking poses. "My attack worked!"

Pikario frowned. "No, it didn't!"

_But O'Chunks didn't care! He grabbed Pikario and threw him all over the place! Trippi and Thoreau only watched at he bounced around like, uh... something that bounces around all over the place! _

Upon landing, he brushed himself off. "Oh, big help _you_ are."

"We were supposed to be doing something?"

"Why not pwn him with uber pwnage? I'm really good at doing it..."

"Fine." Pikario took Thoreau's advice and used him to throw O'Chunks! "IMMAH CHARGIN MY SHOOP DA WHOOP."

The Drapion was rightly pummeled! "AH, YA BEAT MEH."

"That sure was different," remarked Trippi.

Pikario nodded. "For once, we agree on something."

Thoreau did mid-air back flips. "Hooray! I'm more useful than I let on!"

"Eh, so I was chunked by a wimpy, li'l Piakchu? After all that?! Impossible! Must've used AR, or sumthin'..." O'Chunks scratched his head in confusion. "Ah, well! He who learns to chunk away lives to go and chunk another day!"

Pikario raised an eyebrow. "Do you even know what you're talking about anymore?"

"Not really. I tend ta drift in an' out."

_And with that, he proceeded to fart himself into orbit, leaving behind putrid, green, pixilated gas! _

Pikario frowned at the smell. "...I'm just gonna walk away right now..."

* * *

_Well, that certainly was weird, but not very time-consuming! Fortunately, Pikario knew the Yomomma Ruins would be, so, like any of us would if we could, he Pasted himself right outside the ruins' backdoor. Productive, huh? _

* * *

"Well, there's nothing out here but desert, and I'm sick of the desert, therefore, we have to go back." 

"But brother, don't you feel it?" said Trippi._ "Can_ you feel it? Something is coming... and it is coming very soon..."

"What? An ass-whooping?"

_Pikario didn't have to wait long for his answer when Teh Evil Cursor of Doom made a robotic Rayquaza appear and clicked the "Save" button! _

"GRRRRRRR! SOMEONE HAS CLICKED THE ALMIGHTY 'SAVE' BUTTON!" said the mechanical dragon. "THAT MEANS THE CHOSEN ONE IS HERE!"

"And here we go again with this whole 'Chosen One' crap. Don't people ever get tired of rehashing that?"

"CHOSEN ONE NOT IDENTIFIED. I MUST FIND THE APPROPRIATE CHOSEN ONE. AOL SEARCHING... SEACRHING... SEACRHING... SEACRHING..." he droned, the AOL loading symbol appearing in his eyes!

"Think he's got Dial-up?"

Pikario freaked. "Dial-up?! If that's the case, we'll be here forever!"

"...SEARCH FAILED. MUST RESTART. AOL SEARCHING... SEACRHING... SEACRHING... SEACRHING..."

"This is going nowhere!"

_Pikario decided this was a good time as any to use his Conveniently-Placed Wiimote! By poking the Rayquaza with it, he brought him out of his AOL trance! _

"DATA HAS BEEN FOUND. PIKARIO OF THE SHROOMISH KINGDOM HAS COME OVER 1,000 YEARS LATE! EXPECT A $493.00 LATE FEE FROM AOL!"

"What?! I don't have that kind of money! We don't even use that currency here!" He stopped to think. "...Or do we?"

"I AM CALLED FRACKTAIL, WITH 'FRACK' BEING A EUPHEMISM. IT HAS NO REFRENCES TO ANY EXACT DEFINITION, BUT IS COMMONLY USED AS AN EXPLETIVE, USUALLY IN PLACE OF 'FUCK'."

"That's nice to know," said Trippi.

Pikario stared at him blankly. "...I'm not even gonna _begin_ to ask where that came from."

"I WAS PUT HERE A LONG TIME AGO BY THE OLD PEOPLE TO PROTECT THE ORANGE VIRGIN HEART UNTIL YOU CAME."

Thoreau was confused. "But how could the Old People form a long time ago make a giant robot when we can't even do that now?"

"NORMALITY IS NOT FACTOR IN THIS WORLD. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE."

"...That didn't answer my question..."

_"Ah ha ha ha ha. Hello, losers,"_ said someone, but no one knew who!

"And just who is that?" asked Trippi.

A Mime Jr. suddenly appeared, using really cool, non-paperish effects! "The name's Dimentio, but you shan't remember it long, darlings."

Pikario pointed. "Hey, look! It's a gay clown!"

Dimentio was offended. "I am not a clown, but a mime! A mime-in-training, I should add, but still better than the original, because he is ugly."

"And a transsexual," said Thoreau, remembering Mr. Mimes could also be females!

"Regardless, I've come to make sure you never recover the Virgin Heart, since you are not a virgin yourself!"

Pikario made a face. "And I bet you are, aren't you?"

"Why, yes I-- Hey! Just for that, I'm going to give your computer a **_virus!"_** He zapped Fracktail with a Thunderbolt, and then disappeared! "Ciao!"

_**"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I AM ERROR! I AM ERROR! WINDOWS HAS BEEN INSTALLED! THE 404 HAMPSTERDANCE IS CURRENTLY PLAYING ON WINDOWS MEDIA! GRRRRRRRRRR!"** _

Trippi sweatdropped. "What?"

"PRESS ALT + F4 FOR PR0N! MY DATABANKS ARE OVER NINE-THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAND! THAT'S MAMA LUIGI TO YOU, MARIO! WHERE'S THERE'S SMOKE, THEY PINCH BACK! I CAN'T WAIT TO BOMB SOME DODONGOS! BREAKFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST!"

_With that, he drew back into the sand and shot out across the sky! _

"Well, that's not good," said Thoreau.

"Pikario, you'll have to use the Conveniently-Placed Wiimote to, like, get to him and stuff."

"I guess so."

_So, Pikario flipped to 3-D mode and jumped on Fracktail's back as he flew by! _

"We have to hit that antenna on his head, so we can disrupt his AOL service and hopefully shut him down," Trippi said.

"That's nice, but I think you're forgetting that were 5,000 feet in the air. There's nothing up here to hit it with," pointed out Thoreau.

"Forget that. I can just shoot the damn thing... I don't even know why that hasn't crossed my mind 'til now."

"That's too violent! Just throw those randomly-appearing Porygon-Zs over there at it," suggested Thoreau, looking at the ugly-ass evolutions.

Pikario stared at him blankly until he pulled out his .38. "...Nah. I think I'll just shoot it."

_Apparently, that was the way to go, as a single shot made Fracktail completely shut down! _

"AH, YEH BEAT MEH," he groaned, somehow deleting himself until he was only a bunch of "1's" and "0's" in the sky.

Thoreau frowned. "Okay, that's starting to get old."

* * *

_So, with Fracktail probably dead, or downloaded to some nerd's D&D hardware drive, Pikario and others went onto another cave._ _They all stood around like idiots until a Froslass appeared! ...Or at least her ghost, which is weird, since they're already ghosts... This is confusing._

"I am Merlumina," she said. "I used to be a Gardevoir in a past reference, but I inexplicably died and, being in this dimension, am now a Froslass. Woe is me."

"Your arms are connected to your head," Pikario blatantly pointed out.

"Shut up. I've been sitting here for a long time and have had nothing to do. But now that you're here, I can give you this Orange Virgin Heart, and finally move on to the afterlife to take a vacation in Hawaii. I heard their air travel has complementary snakes."

"I think you mean Leis," Trippi said.

"No, I'm pretty sure someone said that serpents who ride on aircrafts from Hawaii are exceedingly popular..."

"You have icicles for horns," continued Pikario. "Are you a demon, or something?"

"...You know what? Screw it. I don't have time for this." She handed him the orange heart thingy. "I was going to tell you a riveting story about my childhood and aspirations for the future, but I want those flying snakes, dammit."

Pikario shrugged. "I doubt you'll like it, but whatever..."

_**OMG! YOU GOT AN ORANGE VIRGIN HEART! SUCCESS! END OF CHAPTER!** _

_And so, after bidding farewell to Merlumina and her weird idea of a vacation, Pikario, Trippi, and Thoreau were Cut, Copy, and Pasted away from the strange, intangible Yomomma Ruins, despite the fact they didn't even go inside! Now, with the newfound power of_ _Thoreau, Teh Evil Cursor of Doom, and the Conveniently-Placed Wiimote at hand, what is Pikario bound to skip over next?!_

_

* * *

_

_**Authoress' Notes:** Ergh, I know the fight against Fracktail wasn't all that, but come on; there's only so much he does in the game. And Dimentio cracks me up for some reason. He'll probably be the butt of all the jokes in this story. Bonus points to anyone who can catch the meme references!_


	4. A Floozy Joins The Ranks!

_**Authoress' Notes:** Okay, last chapter had a lot of skipping around, but that's 'cause I was a little lazy. Due to the ridiculous amount of stuff that happens before you actually get to Chapter 2, this one won't be as eventful, eheheh._

* * *

_**Super College Rule Pikario!** _

_**Chapter 3:** A Floozy Joins the Ranks! _

* * *

_**Meanwhile, in the Deep Darkness of Space! ...Or Somewhere Like That...**_

"Well, this is unfortunate," said a certain Glameow, as she fixed her glasses. "Seems you got your ass handed to you by a Pikachu. How pathetic."

"I dunno wut happened! I though I 'ad 'em on the run! REALLY!"

"Lol, you got pwned, said Count Black," said Count Black.

"I already sent Mimi some spam, so she should be like, y'know, in the zone about what to do now. She won't fail like _some_ other evil minion."

"EXCELLENT! I've also gone and haxed Mimi, making her invincible against all attacks! BWAHAHA!"

"Yes. With our l33t skillz, we should defeat the hero in no time. And even less if we just hax everything."

"Your plans, they amuse Count Black! Excuse me while I go off to make more evil plans, then sorrowfully regret the plague I have just caused!"

Nastasia sweatdropped. "Yeah, you do that..."

* * *

**_Meanwhile, Somewhere Else!_**

Peach woke up in this really weird place and yawned. "Ah, what a great nap. It was almost as fun as passing out! Now comes the, as Pikario calls it, 'hangover' part! How fun!"

"Fun? Man, what a noob. How someone like you became a princess is beyond me!" remarked a Hammer Bro who appeared the fuck out of nowhere. He was accompanied by an ordinary old Koopa, as if anyone cared.

She pointed at the Totodile Hammer Bro guy. "YOU! Quick! Tell me what time is it, and where the reception is!"

"...Reception?"

The Koopa shrugged. "Forget it, man. This lady's lost it."

"Anyway, it appears that we're stuck in a swirling vortex of doom somewhere between Heaven and Hell, so we should probably leave now."

"Yeah, I'm all for passing out on account of random, exploding weddings, but I've had enough for one day. We need to find Bowser and split before we're all brainwashed, turned into zombies, or sent off to college! The horror!"

Peach stomped her foot. "Not until I get my present! I got married, for cryin' out loud! At least a toaster! MY KINGDOM FOR A TOASTER!"

"Okay, um..." The Hammer Bro scratched his head. "Bowser has one. Yeah, a honeymoon present. Follow this guy and find him, not like you ever will, but knock yourselves out. I'm sure nothing else will happen that can make this any worse."

The Koopa sweatdropped. "The crap?! Dude, I don't know nothing about escorting a princess! And I thought we left no Koopa behind!"

"And wouldn't it make more sense if _you_ escorted me? Aren't you stronger than him?"

"Are you nuts?! You two are sure to get killed!" The Hammer Bro ran off in the other direction. "Screw Bowser and the both of you! I'm getting out of here before I get pwned like the noobs you are!"

With that, Peach grabbed the Koopa and dashed off! "Yay! I'm finally gonna get my toaster! And when I do, I'll make cheeseburgers!"

* * *

_And so, they went through a nearby door and appeared in some other place that was completely blotted out by Vis-à-vis markers. The smell was awful!_

Peach sighed. "I really want that toaster. Don't you want a toaster? Toasters are so awesome. They're like puppies, but smarter."

"...Oh, yeah." The Koopa groaned. "We're boned. There's no way we're gonna get outta this place and it's all that guy's fault! I swear, Random Hammer Bro #5967B, I'll get you one day! _**I'LL GET YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"**_

"Isn't that him right down there?"

"Huh?"

_For once, Peach was right! Right below them was Random Hammer Bro #5967B and he was talking to Nastasia and her gang of brainwashed zombies!_

"Look, I'm telling you... Being a zombie's not all that bad. You never have to bathe, your arms and legs are reattachable, and you can eat brains. Serving Count Black on top of that is practically too good to be true, and you know it."

"Lady, you're crazy! No way I'm I gonna be roped into this! Do you know how much sugar is in a brain?! It's ridiculous!"

"...Okay."

_Poof! Random Hammer Bro. #5967B was hypnotized!_

"MWAHAHA! ALL HAIL COUNT BLACK! ...AND BRAINS! MWAHAHA!"

"See? That wasn't so bad was it?"

**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"** The Koopa jumped off the platform and ran out the door! **"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ALIVE, CATWOMAN!"**

Nastasia was offended! "Catwoman?!"

"Ooh! Wait up for me!" called Peach, as she followed him. "I don't know where to find a toaster around here!"

**

* * *

**_The Koopa ran and ran and walked a little then ran again! He kept on doing this until he came to the drawbridge, with nothing but Vis-à-vis ink beneath it!_

"Oh no! The bridge is out!** WHAT WILL WE DO?!"**

Peach laughed. "Oh, it's not that bad. Can't we like... jump over it, or something?"

"...You need to see a doctor."

"Yeah. We all do, but until we get enough money, why not become a zombie and go to college? The benefits are endless."

The Koopa pointed at Peach. "Take her first! She thinks puppies are dumber than toasters! AND THAT IS NOT RIGHT."

"Madness! But for that 'Catwoman' crack, you're going first!"

_Poof! The Random Koopa was hypnotized!_

"MWAHAHA! ALL HAIL COUNT BLACK! AND BRAINS! FEED THEM ALL TO ME! I MUST HAVE--!"

"Yes, we get it. Now shut up and hold Peach down while I do the same to her."

"No!" Peach pouted. "Not until I get a toaster!"

"...Toasters are for cavemen, so I'll just hypnotize you now, 'K?"

_Just then a Post-it note appeared, covering the princess! SURPRISE!_

"Cool! A Post-it note! I used to use these all the time, but then I forget why I needed them in the first place..."

_Poof! She suddenly disappeared, taking the Post-it note with her! ...Or is that the other way around?_

Nastasia groaned. "Damn those Post-it notes! They're just pieces of paper with adhesive on the back! What's the big deal, anyway?! PDAs are much better! ...Ah, well. Whatever. It's not like she has any place to run, since we're all going straight to Hell, with Count Black driving the bus..."

* * *

_**I remember it like it was yesterday... or last week... or maybe a few hours ago... Wait, when did this happen again...?**_

_"...Um, ow?"_

_"'Ow'?"_

_"Yes, ow."_

_"Oh, okay."_

_"Wait! You're... you're... you're...! You're cute! You're really cute! You're disgustingly cute and I can't stand you! AUGGGGH!"_

_"So? That's what makes me so irresistible!You should be nicer to me; I'm really quite gentle."_

_"Gentle and disgusting! I mean, someone like me can't afford to be with something so... cute. It's not in my nature."_

_"Oh, come off it. Such a scary thing like you needs something cute to balance things out. Plus, I saved your life, therefore you must surrender your immortal soul to me. Mwahaha."_

_"...I just tripped over a log."_

_"Still! You could've broken your leg!"_

_"...But I don't have any legs..."_

_"Then how'd you trip over that log?"_

_"Touché... B__ut you? Save one from the Tribe of Scary People? We're a league of our own! Such evil and superior beings would never interact with someone... so cute!"_

_"Big deal. A Pokémon is a Pokémon, I always say! Even if some of them should have their brains blown out for ever crawling into existence. Besides, it's not like you ran away from an evil religion because you hate your empty, spouseless life, negligent father, and crave to show others you aren't as scary as you let on! I mean, come on!"_

_"..."_

_**It was from that moment on, I knew I'd bought a one-way ticket to Hell...**_

* * *

**_Now, Back to the Story!_**

Pikario frowned. "Uh, so where we again?"

"We're back in Flipflop, 'Chu. Now do you know what you must do?"

"...No."

Thoreau bounced in the air. "Ooh! Ooh! I do! Ya gotta put the heart thingy somewhere!"

Merlon frowned. "Are you done talking to your little fairies, weirdo?"

"Zip it, loser. I didn't see you out there busting your ass to get these things."

"Exactly. Because I've got dipshits like you to do it for me. Now shut up and listen to my unimportant ramblings about the Light Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and how waffles are the best food ever."

_Unfortunately, before he could begin, a badly-drawn Pikachu busted in, freaking out over something!_

"D-dude! It's like... nothing I've ever seen!"

Pikario shrugged. "Two-ply toilet paper?"

"Common sense?" guessed Trippi.

**"CHO-CO-LATE PUDDING!"** barked Thoreau.

"...Uh, no. It's a girl! She like, fell outta the sky!"

"What?! Really?! Is she hot?!" asked Merlon.

"How am I supposed to know?! She just fell outta the sky! Quick! Come see before I realize I'm just hallucinating!"

* * *

_And they ran, like the idiots they are, to see the girl who fell from the sky! Although, technically, someone who just fell from the sky probably wouldn't be every pretty to look at, but..._

"See? She's like... there and stuff. Also, she fell from the sky."

Merlon rolled his eyes._ "I know!"_

Pikario's jaw dropped. "Peach?!"

"Peach?" Merlon thought for a moment. "Hmm, must be a prostitute."

"Yeah, 'cept she's not as elusive..."

Suddenly, the princess randomly woke up because cooking is evil! "Hi, Pikario!" She waved. "I have no idea what I'm doing here!"

He sweatdropped. "Yeah, that's her, all right..."

"What a strange, little Raichu. She acts as if she has no brain whatsoever. Are all your friends as dumb as you are?"

"Now do you mean that in a good way, a bad way, or in a way where no one really gives a crap?"

Thoreau laughed. "He means in the way that says we'll get toilet paper with banana pudding and BBQ pizza if we're good, little boys!"

Merlon sweatdropped. "...Yes. Let's just go back to my house. I can see this is getting us nowhere..."

* * *

**_Back at the House...er Thingy!_**

"...So you broke your arm at the bank and the monkey wouldn't even give you a receipt? Yes, that_ is_ troublesome, but has nothing to do with what you just said. Regardless, I pretty sure no one cares about your problems," grumbled Merlon.

"Oh no!" Peach turned to Pikario. "I couldn't find Bowser or Chuigi! I wonder where they disappeared to?"

"Who cares? Probably off being gay together together."

"Pikario, that's kinda mean! Bowser's not_ that_ desperate!"

He shrugged. "I wouldn't put it past him..."

"Everyone, shut up and listen to me," demanded the evil spoon-wielding freak. "Since you've got the Red Virgin Heart, you can go see my cousin-niece-mother-in-law-twice-removed aunt, Merlee. She practice magic and can tell you... stuff."

"But can't you do that, too?" asked Trippi.

"Do I look like doing anything today?! I should say not! Anyway, the Light Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious said something about the Virgin Hearts, and blah, blah, blah. Put it in a Heart Thingy, and you can go to the next world. I have no idea where the damn thing is, despite living here for over 5,000 years, so you'll just have to hax your way there, or whatever. I don't care. Get out of my house."

_With that, he kicked them all out!_

"Well, that was pleasant..." sarcastically grumbled Pikario.

Peach sighed. "Oh, I still don't have my toaster and that guy's a big meanie! Pikario, can I come with you?"

"Really now? Well, that's a twist! If I don't have to save you from anyone, then what's the point? I might as well just torch that loser's house!"

"But if you don't get the Hearts, then both you and Peach are both screwed," reminded Thoreau. "...And not in a good way.

Pikario gritted his teeth upon realizing this. "Damn it!"

"Does that mean I can come?"

"Fine, whatever. It's better than nothing..."

**_OMG! Peach has joined you team! Boy, are you in a lot of trouble! At least you can use her Super Uber Parasol to glide over things and survive a freakin' nuclear bomb!_**

The princess looked up. "Whoa, what a cool announcer voice! Hey, when we save the world, can you come to my reception?!"

**_Why, sure! I'd love to be the DJ! I can call people out and make fun of their various imperfections! Sweet!_**

"Uh, what is she going on about?" asked Trippi.

"Don't know. Don't care..."

* * *

_So, after looting Merlon's house and stealing a key or something, out heroes went forth into... somewhere and did... something with the key! They went across town, into the outskirts, through pipes, and even fell off some cliffs before they finally came to a wierd-looking pillar in the middle of freaking nowhere!_

Pikario grimaced. "You're kidding, right? _That's _the Heart Thingy we're supposed to be looking for?! It's looks like an unmarked cigarette case!"

"Or a cereal box painted white!" giggled Peach.

"Err, a box for a necklace?" Trippi shrugged, which is impossible because... you know.

Thoreau was going mad!**_"TOOTH! PASTE!"_**

**_

* * *

_**_Yes, that's nice. So after putting the Orange Virigin Heart in the Heart Thingy, STUFF HAPPENED! _

_**WHOOOOOOOOOSH! **_

_**SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!**_

_**GLITTER!**_

_...Do I really have to spell it out for you? The next door opened! Okay?! **THERE! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!**_

_So, knowing he had at least 6 other Virgin Hearts ahead of him, his crazy-ass girlfriend, a deluded Pixie-L, a** hippie** Pixi-L, and absoltuely no idea where he was going or what he'd find, Pikario could only lumber back to that damn tower and prepare for the worst! I mean, come on! Compared to the unproducetiveness of the plot so far, you can't expect that much more to happen, right? ...Right?!

* * *

**Authoress' Notes:** Okay, so nothing really happens in this chapter, but it'd be WAY too long if I tried to squeeze the whole Merlee fiasco in there, so that'll be next time. _


End file.
